I have been meaning to update for a while now, firstly because… it’s a blog, and it’s meant to be updated, secondly so I could make full use of my “Hello Dolly” plugin, and thirdly because Warren is getting violent in regards to the lack of textual action. So without further a due…. a post.
I do, however, feel the need to provide some sort of disclaimer before I carry on. As quirky as I may be, I’m not down with the whole celebrity stalker thing, and this post is entirely for the lulz, I am under no illusion of carrying Chris Fountain’s beautiful offspring, nor am I planinng to do so via the conventional method, or the use of a syringe and a yoghurt pot (unless that’s something he’s game for.)
One night, after joking about doing so, I got bored, and made a Chris Fountain sim. Then, I made a sim of myself. Then, I made us create children, to have a rough idea of what they look like, and so that he can rest assured that if he was ever to stumble upon this blog and think “Hot damn! I want kids with her!” they wouldn’t have any deformations such as webbed feet or a sixth finger, which let’s face it is possible from mating with someone from Norfolk.
I present to you: the father of my children.
Of course, it actually looks nothing like him. My sims never actually look like the person they’re supposed to, this is due to a lack of talent, idealisation, and the fact I’m too lazy to source the exact haircuts, etc. I tried though. I think the nose is pretty accurate, and I did try to get the eyebrows/his pretty little rosebud lips right, but ITS OKAY. We get the picture.
Me. Ahahahahaha.
Of course, this is a total idealisation. I don’t know why exactly it’s an idealisation, because I don’t particularly desire a face like a slapped arse, a vacant stare, and eyebrows that have seemed to have had an argument with my eyes and are in chronic need of distance. But there you go. It’s better than my actual face so I’m willing to roll with this. For the sake of hurrying up this post; Chris and I fell and love, had “woo hoo” like rabbits and alas a child was brought into this world.
BABY #1 (in the most adorable outfit) with her daddy. D’awww.
In addition to my sadness, I’ve also named the kids what I actually intend on naming my own children, for I am a brood bungler who’s actually given this some thought. I have named her Anna. ANNA FOUNTAIN. When they’re toddlers they’re all cursed with pumpkins for faces and so it’s difficult to determine what they’ve inherited from whom. The only thing that is clear right now is she has inherited her papi’s hair colour. Aww. And now, for baby #2…
Baby #2. I seem to have broken my neck whilst carrying this child. I wonder how much she weighs.
Apparently taking after me, Lilly Fountain’s got dark hair. How she manages to have perfectly sleek hair at such a young and tender age (I know I certainly didn’t) is beyond me, but then I wouldn’t but it past myself to use hair straighteners on my kids when the time comes. And then finally, baby #3…
Apparently we didn’t like him much, so we put him on the floor. Apparently we didn’t feed him much either, as he seems to be attempting to eat his hand…
Hooray! Papa Fountain must be so proud he has a boy, Oliver, to play football with, show how to break girls hearts, and generally be MACHO with. At this stage, again, he’s inherited my bitchingly sleek dark hair and err… cannibalism. And now onwards to the child years…
Apparently since becoming a child, Anna’s hair length has not changed (though why she was born with that length hair is beyond me, perhaps she was stuck inside for longer than the standard 9 months), but it is becoming easier to determine what features she has got from what parent. I’m not entirely sure why she’s wearing make-up, but then we are living in the corrupt ages where young kids feel the need to look be slapped up like a dogs dinner, so be it. Either way, Anna is growing up to be a bootiful kid. Bootiful.
Okay, so my thumbnail has cut off her actual head, instead goin’ for the paedo vote of concentrating on her pixellated pre-teen rack, and her double-arm mutation that’s going on. Looks like I might have been lying when I said that she was normal, but that’s the risk you take when trying to get in on some of the ol’ Norfolk breeding. Clicking on the thumbnail shows that like her slapper of a sister, Lilly is also sporting make-up, emphasising eyes that are DEVOID OF LIFE.
Again, it looks as if I’ve decided to decapitate his head. But it’s okay! It seems as if he didn’t get very far in trying gnaw off his own hand, as he very much has two. It’s also worrying how neatly groomed his eyebrows are, I think he’s shaping them on the sly. Ahh, you little metrosexual, Oliver. And finally! The teenage years…
Behold! It smiles. Teenage life can’t have been all that bad for her. Now it is clear to see she has taken after her (very good looking) father, inheriting his hair colour, eyes, nose shape, and rosebud shaped lips. However, like her mama, she’s taken to piling on the slap, and a top lip that’s almost non-existent in comparison to the top.
Well well, we got ourselves a regular mama’s girl here. My eyes, hair colour, nose (in terms of smallness… possibly his shape?) and some fat lips going on. Again they’re a bit rosebuddsh like a certain Mr Fountain, but since it’s not the milkman’s kid, that’s to be expected.
Oliver here is a bit of a wildcard, taking after nobody in particular. He has however taken the metrosexual persona to the next level, opting for some perfectly sculpted hair, and an a classy outfit that the world would approve of. He seems to have my hair colour, Chris’s eyes and nose and…. Kristian Digby of To Buy or Not To Buy’s mouth. Wtf?!?! I don’t know what’s going on there. But you know what? Digby is a looker too. I’ll let it slide.
And to finish off this rather creepy post…
Family portrait, hooray!
I’m still clueless as to why Lilly’s eyes are devoid of life…
♥: Creepy.
♪: Madina Lake – House of Cards
