Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

So, at the end of September, I mentioned that Ben had cut me out, and I was devestated about it. I never mentioned what followed after that, and it’s conclusion, alas…

A very good friend of mine works with Ben, and he gave me the times of when Ben was next working, so I stopped by his place of work and basically asked him what was going on and why he cut me out. Obviously we couldn’t talk properly as he was meant to be working, but he was very apologetic, and what it all boiled down to basically is that he was getting extremely stressed out with the course he was doing and he took it out on me. Lo….  l. How sweet. Still, at this point I was so desperate to get him back in my life, I forgave him. We made arrangements to go to the cinema to see ‘The Invention of Lying’ the next day (Sun 4th Oct) and then went back to his place where we … “made up” properly, lol. Which also dispells my original thoughts that he was perhaps seeing somebody else.

A fortnight later, I offered to cook for him at mine and have him spend the night, and… I decided to bite the bullet and ask him if he wanted to get back on Monday 18th Oct. He told me that he was moving back to Clacton at the end of November, but even if it was for only a week that we were officially back together, he’d still want to do it. We had 6 weeks, so I thought it’d be enough, at least, and maybe even carry on seeing each other when he moved back to Clacton, which is only an hour and a half away from here, staying at weekends or something, until he starts his internship, assuming he gets it.

…Buuutt apparently not. Ben broke it to me yesterday that he leaves next week, to go back home. The long distance plan has also gone out of the window as he will be working full time, and basically won’t have the time to come up here and see me. And whilst if he gets the internship, he’ll be in Clacton until next summer, I’ll probably only see him a few times, if that, before he goes to Birmingham in which case it will be once or twice a year I see him. I knew he was going soon but…. our plan was that we had 3 weeks left. I know he can’t help work wanting him to start sooner, and it’s not his fault he can’t afford to carry on living in Norwich, and I certainly don’t want to hold him back on his career, but it just feels so unfair. I get him back, and we finally get our relationship back on track, and now he’s going again, and it feels like it’s me who’s the only one missing out.

He says he always wants me in his life, and he’s not interested in anyone else… but I’ve heard it all before. If he can ignore me when he’s in Norwich, what the hell am I meant to do when he’s in Clacton or Birmingham? It’s not like I can go visit him at work and ask what’s going on, and I dunno. Releastically we cannot carry on seeing each other now, and it’s not fair to ask him wait around for me until theres a time when we can work out, but I just don’t want to give him up. I know I have many other great friends, but he is my best friend and he’s also my boyfriend, and i didn’t realise until now that I do love him.

I know they say everything happens for a reason, and if we’re “meant to be”, then we’ll sort it out at a later date and we will be. He says no other girl will ever compare to me and whilst I agree whole heartedly… I dunno. I’m not feeling so confident.

I just wish this entry had a happier ending.

♥: Glum
♪:  RYONAI feat. BLF - Vinet

Thank you, truely, Russian spammers for the almost 2k of spam comments you’ve clogged my inbox with in less than a week. Nothing makes my day more than removing all your shitty comments.

I had a small wish fulfilled yesterday; a guy stopped me in the street and asked me for my number! I’ve always wanted to be pretty enough to be approached by a stranger (in a non rapish way). Pity he’s not my type, lol. D: I still gave him my number… because basically I didn’t know what to do/or say haha. Now he keeps texting me. :/ My bad!

My lip is currently really sore. It’s become irritated and I had a massive amount of pus come out of it on Monday. D: It’s settling down now, but it’s still quite tender. But anyway… LOOK WHAT ARRIVED ON MONDAY!

MAKE UP. \o/

So, in spirit of this, I feel a meme on my make-up is in order, as it’s somewhat happier than my entries of angst.

This is the make-up  bag I’m currently using; it was a gift from Emma from her trip to Japan. The brand is ‘Swimmer’, which I believe is a popular brand over there.

Et voilá! The contents. Keep in mind though that it’s not all worn in one go…

FACE – 01 – 04.
o1. Rimmel “Hide The Blemish” Concealer – ‘Natural Beige’
o2. Maybelline “Dream Matte Mousse” Foundation – ‘Cameo’
o3. Too Faced – Kabuki blusher brush.
o4. Too Faced “Brightening Blushes” Blush – ‘Papa Don’t Peach’

EYES – o5 – 14.
o5. Rimmel “Profesional” Eyebrow Pencil – ‘Hazel’
06. Rimmel “Colour Rush” Eyeshadow – ‘Moonstone’ (used as a browbone highlighter)
o7. Too Faced “Galaxy Glam” Eyeshadow – ‘Super Nova’
08. Collection 2000 “Colour Intense Solo” Eyeshadow – ‘Gold Digger’ (used as a cheek highlighter)
o9. Rimmel “Glam’Eyes Lash Flirt” Mascara – ‘Kohl Black’
1o. Rimmel “Exaggerate” Liquid Eyeliner – ‘100% Black’
11. Rimmel “Soft Kohl Kajal” Eye Pencil – ‘Jet Black’ (water & lash line)
12. Too Faced “Foiled Liners” Eye Penchil – ‘Black Beauty’ (outer eyes only)
13. Too Faced – Eyeshadow blending brush
14. Too Faced “Shadow Insurance” Primer

LIPS – 15 – 20.
15. Too Faced “Lip Injection Extreme” Lip Plumper – ‘Iridescent White’ (I expect lips like Angelina Jolie in a month)
16. Rimmel “1000 Kisses Stay On” Lip Liner – ‘Indian Pink’
17. Too Faced “Lip of Luxury” Lipstick – ‘Marcia Marcia Marcia’ (My favouritest lipstick in the world; boxed & unboxed)
18. Too Faced “Mirror Mirror” Lip Gloss – ‘Don’t Hate Me…’
19. Too Faced “Love Lisa Luxury” Lip Balm
20. Too Faced “Sparkler Glamour” Gloss – ‘Pink Disco’

MISCELLANEOUS – 21 – 22.
21. Estee Lauder – ‘Sensuous’ Perfume
22. Rimmel “Lyrca Pro” Nail Varnish – ‘Blue Vogue’

I would have perhaps posted some pics of my new clothes and purchases too, but WordPress is pissing me off. :U

♥: Uncomfortable.
♪: Britney Spears – Gimme More

I am in shock, hysterical and heartbroken.

Ben done a Chris on me.
The ignoring thing – clearly a warm up. The “I’m busy” excuse? I’m expecting he’s seeing somebody else and he’s too much of an immature, spineless pussy to tell me to my face. He has deleted his Facebook altogether, removed me from his twitter list, presumably blocked me on msn and is either keeping his phone off, or switched number. MUCH more srs biz than Chris. The worst part is, I think I pushed him to it. I sent him a text this morning saying either stop ignoring me and let me know what the fuck is going on, or I’ll do a Chris on him. I left for uni at 8:50am. I return home at 6:00pm, during which time I did stop by his house (no answer and in case you think I am a bunny boiler; it’s the first time in the month of him ignoring me I’ve done this) and also tried to call him – to which his phone has either been off, or it rings once and then he diverts my calls. I return him to see he’s removed me from everything – he beat me to it.

He Chris’d me.

I went downstairs to my housemate, Natalie’s room, and as soon as she opened her door I just burst out crying; crying on her shoulder for about 5 minutes before I could even stop for long enough to tell her what had happened. I just cannot believe he would be so callous as to do this. After all he has put me through, I’ve still stuck by him, for the past two years he has been my best friend, my lover and my ex boyfriend. I never got the oppourtunity to tell him I wanted to get back together. Guess this gives me all the answers I ever would have needed.

I just cannot believe he went this far. I can understand that if he had met somebody, he knew I’d have kicked off, and I can’t lie, I would have, especially after realising I wanted to get back together. But it’s no reason to end our friendship, I would have got over it in time. We’ve always been up and down. He was mentally abusive, a user, a cheat. I was paranoid, jealous, a mental wreck, but we were always good together. Just never good enough for him. I could never get over what he put me through, because I could never get over him.

My parents picked me up, I am currently at theirs as I didn’t want to be alone. I cried on the way home. I cried all night. I’m crying now. I’ll probably cry myself to sleep tonight, and he’ll sleep without a second thought to me.

On top of everything else that has happened, I feel like I have sunk to the lowest low. He knew everything that was happening, he knew about my dad, he knew about me struggling at the house, he knew I wanted to talk to him, he knew what Chris had done to me. He kicked me when I was down and left me wondering how the hell I am ever going to pick myself up from all these blows.

I’d like to think in a month or so, after some distance maybe he’ll get in touch. I might not get him back as my boyfriend but I still want him in my life because now I feel empty, sick and scared. I know he was awful to me, and I know he’s still awful for doing this now and I know he doesn’t care, but if he did still want to talk now… I’d probably listen.

♥: Inconsolable.
♪: -

My uni is the most unorganised load I have ever witnessed in my life.

After wondering all week what the fuck I was meant to be doing in regards of going back to uni, seeing as they never bothered to tell us, I just recieved an email, less than 24 hours before we go back telling us that our tutorial is at 12…. but we have to be in at 9:30 for a welcome back speech, and to hand in our summer projects in on Thursday.

Um, what?

YOU NEVER FUCKING SET US A PROJECT YOU STUPID FUCKING SCHOOL. BLARGAHUAUHUGABHFJGDFGDFGHJJJDGHBG.

What’s worse is that rather than accepting the blame that they fucked up, they’ll blame it on us and make us do it alongside our other projects. Christ I hate that place more than anyone will ever know.

Godamn Uni.

I’m going to go in bed and SULK ALL DAY.

ps. On the upside I had the most AMAZING dream. I dreamt I went to visit SLATER in Japan (as she’s currently living there for a year) and she went out to buy some things, leaving me to take a shower. I didn’t know where her shower was, and I thought I heard her say that theres only a public shower that everyone uses on her street. LOOOOOOOL So I wondered outside looking for this fucking public shower, and I accidently stumbled into some restaurant instead. This guy, who was an ABSOLUTE BABE came up to me and start speaking Japanese and I’m like OMGWTFIMSTUPIDSPEAKENGLISHPLZ. So he did. I explained my predicament and he was all “Well you can use my shower after I’m done at work lollolol ” and I was like OKAY 8D and agreed to meet him after he finished work. I went back to Slaters apartment, where she told me I was a twat for not realising the shower was just outside her room, and then she went to the restaurant where the guy worked and lectured him about being a gentleman and not to try anything funny. Loooooooooooooool. I met with the guy and he told me that he was half Japanese and also was living in Japan for a year, studying something or other, and agreed to see each other again whilst I was there, then i woke up.

But damn, he was a babe.

♥: Grumpy
♪: ベスパ☆くまメロ – Totem Pole

I wore my hair on a centre parting today. Never again.

In other news, I finally found an Arran knit cardigan that I like. Two books that I do not like, and I really need to clean my room tomorrow morning.

♥: Horny (lolz)
♪: Nine Inch Nails – Only

Last sunday I was admitted into hospital for 4 days.

I got renal colic, caused by a kidney stone, which is said to be more painful than childbirth…. and I can believe it. Especially when you’re lying in a hospital bed in the early hours of the morning begging for something to take away the pain, and not even strong painkillers, including 2 shots of morphine can kill it. It also makes you feel incredibly lonely- a side effect I still haven’t shook off yet.

I passed the kidney stone though, and the pain mostly diminished, and I was discharged on wednesday. I am still on antibiotics and pain killers for bruised kidneys and for my stomach and back which were constantly in spasm. In 8 weeks I will go back to the hospital for an x-ray and to discuss what caused it. Until then my parents are force feeding me as my water as I can possibly drink, in an attempt to ‘flush myself out’.

I am currently round my parents recovering, but I go home tuesday. The internet has finally been installed at the new house, so I can update about house-activities when I return.

♥: Lonely
♪: Pure Reason Revolution – AVO

Self portrait.

Sharing becauuuusee, whilst I’m no stranger to posting pictures of myself, it’s very rare, if ever, do I consider it photography. But this is one of them, and technically I’m very proud of it. Shame about the tan lines though. :/ I also took a picture of me in my new glasses which can be seen here, but I look a bit of a dickhead as my nostrils are really flared. Couldn’t take another as my camera battery ran out, but you get the idea! I really like tortoise shell glasses.

I’m going to the doctors in an hour, because I have what I’m suspecting is PINK EYE, which you can see in the glasses photo actually. Mmm, sexy.

But! The main reason of this entry apart from camwhoring and talking about my gammy eye is….

HIATUS.

I am moving out on Wednesday and I don’t know when I’ll have the internet up and running in the new place.

♥: Hot
♪: Pure Reason Revolution – AVO

So during my apathy to update this blog, I failed to mention that I had a job interview for an ideal job over summer.

I had the job interview last week, but as luck would have it, I managed to develop swine/man flu the night before the interview, so on Friday morning I felt absolutely terrible, and when it came to sitting the interview itself, my mind just totally went blank. I’m really annoyed at myself because I got a question wrong that I knew the answer to (related to the company), but I felt as if some other parts of the interview went really well, so it could have gone either way.

…However, it went the wrong way and on Wednesday I recieved a rejection letter. Sad times.

Still, I’m sure I’ll survive. Even if it means not being able to afford food for a few months. Weeeeeyo.

In other news, I had a sight test on Wednesday and discovered that my eye sight has got worse.  Good one. So I’ve had to get new glasses, which I am relieved about as my old ones didn’t suit me AT ALL. Whereas I got the opinion of like, 5 different other people this time and I think my new ones are really nice  So pictures of those when I get them on Monday! Yesterday I went to London with my parents (upon travelling there I fell asleep on the train, and woke myself up by accidently headbutting the window.  The guy in the seat opposite me laughed. Travel fail!). They haven’t been in 40 years as they weren’t fans of the place but… I think I converted them. They’re talking about going back already.  My feet are killing me after 8 hours of walking around in boots though…

And in the taxi home I was told about Michael Jackson. Very sad news! RIP.

♥: Lethargic
♪: Pure Reason Revolution – The Bright Ambassadors of Morning

Helloooo.

So for the exception that I’m still actually at uni until the end of the month, I have officially survived the first year, having recieved my final marks for this year. My critical studies, amazingly, I done really well on, which shocked me as hand on heart, I thought I would have to write it again and re-submit it, I thought it was that bad. As for my portfolio…? Well I can’t say that done as well, ha. I got a 2:2 though, and the marks aren’t counted towards my degree so I’m not all that bothered by it. Considering I did 6 months work in a month, a 2:2 isn’t something to be sniffed at.

I finally got round to celebrating my birthday on Saturday. As per usual I made a drunken tit out of myself, and am going to resolve to stop drinking so much when I go out… I’d like to retain some dignity for my next birthday, please. :/ But it was sooo good seeing so many faces I hadn’t seen in a long time, and had an infinitely better turnout than I did last year. All round I can’t complain. Sadly there are no decent photos of myself at my birthday, so I’ll use this oppourtunity to display a better picture of my Pedobear tshirt. Amazing much? Even if I do have a chin like Reese Witherspoon, ick..

In other news, I got my lip repierced today! This is the 4th time now. It hurts like a bitch as I’m pretty certain that they went over some scar tissue, looooveely. The healing process is a complete and utter chore but I’m currently in love with piercings again right now, so overall I’m happy I got it done. Fingers crossed it just won’t go manky!

I think that’s all for now, time for The Sims 3.

♥: Thirsty – Budding diabettic?
♪: Pure Reason Revolution – Golden Clothes