I am in shock, hysterical and heartbroken.
Ben done a Chris on me.
The ignoring thing – clearly a warm up. The “I’m busy” excuse? I’m expecting he’s seeing somebody else and he’s too much of an immature, spineless pussy to tell me to my face. He has deleted his Facebook altogether, removed me from his twitter list, presumably blocked me on msn and is either keeping his phone off, or switched number. MUCH more srs biz than Chris. The worst part is, I think I pushed him to it. I sent him a text this morning saying either stop ignoring me and let me know what the fuck is going on, or I’ll do a Chris on him. I left for uni at 8:50am. I return home at 6:00pm, during which time I did stop by his house (no answer and in case you think I am a bunny boiler; it’s the first time in the month of him ignoring me I’ve done this) and also tried to call him – to which his phone has either been off, or it rings once and then he diverts my calls. I return him to see he’s removed me from everything – he beat me to it.
He Chris’d me.
I went downstairs to my housemate, Natalie’s room, and as soon as she opened her door I just burst out crying; crying on her shoulder for about 5 minutes before I could even stop for long enough to tell her what had happened. I just cannot believe he would be so callous as to do this. After all he has put me through, I’ve still stuck by him, for the past two years he has been my best friend, my lover and my ex boyfriend. I never got the oppourtunity to tell him I wanted to get back together. Guess this gives me all the answers I ever would have needed.
I just cannot believe he went this far. I can understand that if he had met somebody, he knew I’d have kicked off, and I can’t lie, I would have, especially after realising I wanted to get back together. But it’s no reason to end our friendship, I would have got over it in time. We’ve always been up and down. He was mentally abusive, a user, a cheat. I was paranoid, jealous, a mental wreck, but we were always good together. Just never good enough for him. I could never get over what he put me through, because I could never get over him.
My parents picked me up, I am currently at theirs as I didn’t want to be alone. I cried on the way home. I cried all night. I’m crying now. I’ll probably cry myself to sleep tonight, and he’ll sleep without a second thought to me.
On top of everything else that has happened, I feel like I have sunk to the lowest low. He knew everything that was happening, he knew about my dad, he knew about me struggling at the house, he knew I wanted to talk to him, he knew what Chris had done to me. He kicked me when I was down and left me wondering how the hell I am ever going to pick myself up from all these blows.
I’d like to think in a month or so, after some distance maybe he’ll get in touch. I might not get him back as my boyfriend but I still want him in my life because now I feel empty, sick and scared. I know he was awful to me, and I know he’s still awful for doing this now and I know he doesn’t care, but if he did still want to talk now… I’d probably listen.
♥: Inconsolable.
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