So as of this evening, Ben and I are on a break.
If I’m honest, I can’t say I’m entirely surprised. Things have been a bit up and down for a few months now and things got increasingly bad after the birthday fiasco. I think my attempts to try and fix things made things worse and we needed to draw a line in the sand. From the word go, our relationship was always doomed to have a bleak outcome; he graduates from uni in a few weeks, and with me about to attend the same uni he’s just graduated from, it means theres less flexibility as to how we could have kept our relationship as it were. However, the closer to the end of uni he gets, the more distant he became, setting off chain reactions at every corner. He admits I deserve so much better and is more than surprised I haven’t ended it yet, and although I’d seriously thought about it at times, I told him I’m a fighter and for as long as I believed there was an us, I’m not going to just let things end. I think up until that point he was considering ending things, but it made him think differently.
We’re still essentially still together; it’s not going to be a Ross & Rachel type of break, as he’s not interested in anybody else and we’re going to still speak as normal, we’re just not going to see each other for a couple of months, and then when things have a sense of normality again we’ll talk again and see how to take things and go from here.
I can’t help but wonder if through trying to fix things I broke them more, causing the breakdown of my relationship, though he told me not to think like that and it’s nothing I’ve done, but I still think it may not have come to this had I just grinned and beared it better, though for other reasons which I can’t talk about here in fear of it some how getting around, it may be for the best. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I’m going to see him one last time on tuesday.
♥: Crushed.
♪: Limp Bizkit – Eat You Alive